.wooden swing in the rain.

kat luar hujan.

air longkang dah naik separuh.

daun pokok pelam habis basah.

jalan pun basah.

buaian kat playground pun basah jugak.

aku yg tengah tunggu air penuh dalam mesin basuh tetiba teringat bende2 lama..

nostalgic la plak...

time aku form 4 dulu, i had a fight ngan mak aku.and i ran away from home.

(x jauh mana pown)

aku pergi duduk kat buaian playground kat padang depan umah aku.

it was raining heavily that time.

slowly,the anger inside aku faded away.

lama aku stay in the rain.

i wasn't playing with the rain.

i was letting the rain to wash away my sanity.

suddenly, someone yg aku kenal dtg kat aku.

dgn payung kat tangan dia.

"balik jom"

aku diam.

slowly dia letak payung yang dia pegang atas aku.

and i couldn't feel the rain that time.

malas2 aku tolak tangan dia.

"pergi balik la.aku taknak payung kau!"

lama dia duduk situ tunggu aku,then dia blah..

aku taktau pe yg dia rasa.

and ntuk aku..

aku just nak my own space when my heart went through a quake.

at the end,bila aku da rasa ok,aku balik sendiri.

skang bila aku pikir balik...i still have that "childish-habit" in me.

aku still ada habit nak lari n main hujan whenever aku ada probs.

how time flies...

i'm a big girl now.and big girls don't cry.

i guess.

even life kadang2 mcm shipwreck,

it doesn't mean you should drown yourself in the ocean.

kan?

that's all.till we meet again!

kesimpulan?

ntah...again,it just a story from the past.

[mamai]

cite lama...dlu2!
a story pasal kwn aku; name-Irryani Adnan! (miz u beb)<3



time aku form 5,
bdk2 Mega (Editorial Board) aku ada wat BBQ kat Gua Kelam,Perlis.
kwn aku, Yani ni pun kebetulan ada gak buat piknik (lbih kurg la).... kat Gua Kelam nih jugak.
dkt nak Maghrib camtuh, ngn bau asap BBQ bagai...kitorg gerak balik MRSM.
mmg penat takyah ckp ar!

nak buat cite,time nih mmg zaman kuat mkn.
sebab time BBQ tu mkn ayam je ngan pe ntah aku pown da lupa, so perut lapar r balik!

sekonyong-konyong, dtg ar Yani ni.
tercongok kat bilik aku...straight jln trus landing atas akunye katil.
cam tauge basi.
letih!



mimi: pegi Cafe jom! aku lapar.

yani:okeh. kjp g la..



maka..aku pown angkut baldi g mandi.
meninggalkn kwn aku nih yg mata dah mcm mata panda Siam.
otw nak tido....

lps mandi, aku tak kejut pown Yani nih.
aku siap2 trus kejut die.
aku bajet dia sedar nnt bleh terus gerak gi Cafe.

yep!
yani mmg bukak mata...
(bukak mata la sgt!)
lama die cam pandang muka aku ngan mata stim die..
pastu die ckp:---->




"MI...PINJAMAN BUKU TEKS~"




........................(0.0!)

what the fish???????



hotak lu.
pe kaitan PINJAMAN BUKU TEKS ngan Cafe?????



ngan muka tak bsalah Yani tido balik.
aku?
aku pun tak sure dah aku mkn ke tak mlm tuh!





moral of the story:

dont trust MAMAI person.
u'll regret it!

.cuts.bleed.lie.

Aku tinggalkan Intergumentry System kejap.

This is a simple story.

About a broken trust. Two years ago.
Ada sumone yg aku knl. Yang always feel kosong and dia sendiri pun taktau knp dia rasa kosong.
She never trusts anyone and she never let herself to trust.
She somehow afraid to cry sbb, no matter how deep life cut her, she was simply not a kinda girl who would cry.

Reason?
Don’t ask this girl, sebab dia pun tak tahu knp she act dat way.
The most stupid thing this ’someone’ did was, she cut herself.
She replaced the tears she couldn’t drain with the pain she gained.

It was hell stupid! She knew that.

There were options! She knew that.

People who loved her would be disappointed! She knew that.

And no matter what she did to stop the habit, she would still entangle with it! She knew that.

Until one day, when somehow, this someone I know cut herself again and bleeds...
Someone else was there with a plaster. Sit there with her silently.
Without words!

For the very first time, she learned to trust!
Whenever the tears fall, she knew she got someone.
Whenever she couldn’t conquer the pain, she knew she got someone.
Whenever she felt happy and contented, she knew she got someone.
Whenever she bled, she knew she got someone.

But guess what, it was faked!
She cried so hard. She knew she was a fool.
If she knew this thing would end this way, JUST if…
TRUST betrayed her.


“IF U’R BEING HONEST, IT CUTS ME DEEP.
BUT IF U’R PRETENDING, IT CUTS ME DEEPER”


Conclusion cerita aku is:
The broken trust two years ago made a LIAR out of her!

It just a story anyway. No big deal.

studySTORIES

ntah kenapa..
memories keep on rewinding lately cam video player rosak!

Story 1

ni time kat MRSM dlu.
aku mmg mls gile nk study.tengok rev books pun aku menyampah.
nak termuntah sume ada..literally la.
n there was someone.a friend of mine.
die akan tulis banyak "phrases merepek" kat atas kertas2 kecik n then die akan selitkan notes2 tu randomly kat pages rev book ak.
the rule is, selagi ak tak smpai that certain pages,i was not allowed ntuk baca apa yg die tulis kat notes tuh.
maka..ak pun sungguh2 la baca so that aku bleh tahu pe yg die tulis.
notes yg simply tertulis
"mimi,kita kwn smpai mati"(siap lukis gmbr kubur)
"mimi..hidup ntk diri ko sendiri"
"mimi, aku syg ko.friends forever"
ni la phrases yg buat aku keep on staying all nite n study.
saat nih, aku sgt berharap ada someone yg boleh selitkan notes mcm tu dlm pages rev book 'Anatomy&Physiology' aku.

Story 2

ni lak kat matrik.
zmn2 penting aku btukar jadik vampire.
bila study week je,mlm jadik siang,siang jadik mlm.
ada dua org kwn ak neh.
tetiap mlm lepak bilik aku for study.
Nescafe ngan maggi tak pyh ckp la.
tu r mknan kitorang sampai pagi.
aku still ingat the time aku share maggi ngn kwn aku.
siap mata bertentang mata.nsib baik tak tersembur maggi yg bergulung-gulung tu kuar dri mulut aku.
yang sorang lagi,penat study je,dia stop pastu mnari sensorang.lagi la tah pape..
we act like a fool.
tapi dats the thing yg buat aku stay 'high' and awake.
lpas azan subuh..
lepas solat..
we would buat morning walk.
jln2 mrayau2 around matrik cam org gle.baring tengah dataran.sampai kene halau ngan guards.
pastu,pegi sarapan.padahal pakcik kantin baru nak pakai songkok nk smayang subuh.
bila mtahari kuar..
masing2 balik bilik,tarik selimut,tido...

rite now...
aku study takde sapa nak teman.
lappy,FB ngan mp3 je yg ada.
miss u guys.
sob2~

ampaian besi dua tahun lalu.

Seblum nih ak da post bende alah ni kat FB.

Still, hr nih teringat lagi.zmn dlu2…time kat MRSM dlu.it was two years ago i guess.

Malam-malam, midnite especially, aku ska lpak atas ampaian besi kat blok aku. few metres away dri ground.jatuh, kalo tak pth kaki tangan, silap haribulan, hilang nyawa!

kaki terjuntai …the only thing yg support your feet was just the wind.

I learned this from someone. Sadly, org tuh buat skali je aktiviti neh. Aku plak yg brani buat berkali2. Hee..

Skali pandang memang org ckp:

“nk mati btul budak nih”

But that was how aku lari dri all probs ak. Not running away maybe, avoid kejap je…

Lpak atas tu. ngadap langit, sketching bende mrepek-repek. Listened to ‘headbanging’ songs...LP, Avenged, Good Charlotte, Muse, S.O.A.D, Jumpsuit Apparatus, Skillet, Breaking Benjamin, Bullet For My Valentine, MCR…

Takkan head-banging lgu Siti Nurhaliza lak.

Buat mcm tu…ak rasa free. Somehow, ni mmg tabiat ak yg paling kritikal time tu…

Boring ngan sketching, aku buat carving lak. Aku lukis atas double-layered board, pastu aku carved pkai penknife. Mana ntah aku campak penknife aku tuh skang…bnyk carved board ak da bagi kat org n yg len ak dah tak ingt kat sapa…ada gak yg aku tampal je kat dinding bilik.

Tak pun…aku angkut kertas A4 banyak-banyak…tulis bende tah pape, lipat jadik paperplane pastu baling.

Yg kutip pepagi besok, makcik sapu sampah. Kesian dia…sori la mkcik! Teruk kan aku?

Penah satu hari, bru je aku nak panjat ampaian, tetiba aku dengar suara org jerit

“eh, jgn terjun”

hotak lu, ak bkn nak terjun la. Nak lepak je. Yg paling best, yang mana kluar pegi tandas or nak iron baju for sure takut2 nak pandang aku…bajet aku hantu maybe. Or sumone yg ad history PSY. Huu..

Kwn2 aku lak…ada yg marah (sbb risiko ntuk jatuh tu tinggi)…ada yg tumpang skaki (tapi tak panjat la, lpak tengok sketching aku je)..ada yg pandang je dari seberang blok…ada yg suka nak lambai2…adeh…lawak ada.

Annoying pun ada!

Bila dah masuk u nih…aku dah takleh buat aktiviti2 nih.

Aku carik gak memana rooftop yg ak bleh buat port lepak. Tapi tak jumpa. Kat apartment pun, rooftop kat pool tutup pkul 10 mlm. Kat hospital lak, lagi la takde.

Bukan tak suka lepak tempat rendah2 nih…it just, banyak sangat lak nnt makhluk2 Tuhan yg lalu lalang n sibuk nak tanya itu ini. Kat ampaian dlu, kalo org nak tanya pun, niat tuh cancelled, sbb takut tengok condition aku yang psiko tu.

Aku rindu sgt dgn ampaian blok aku..

Ampaian besi yg tak penah complain or tanya apa masalah aku.

Ampaian besi yg setia je kukuh kat situ, ampung aku sampai 2,3 pagi, until prasaan aku yg serabut jadik kosong balik, masuk bilik n tidur.

Ampaian besi yg tak penah judge aku.

Ampaian besi, I miss u.

.sugarGLIDER.

just if..

u were a sugar glider, that can stick to my window..

u'll know, how my days are rite now.
u'll know how many times i cry for you.
u'll know how much i regret the very first day i let my guards down.
u'll know how many times i cursed myself for falling for you.
u'll know how much i miss u.
u'll know how many times i asked myself to let this go.
u'll know how many times i listen to the song "Tolong Aku- Hujan'.
u'll know how many times i accidentally wrote ur name on my notes.

but sadly..

u'r not a sugar glider.
u'r just u..
and u wont know....

homecoming?

pheuww...da lma gle ak tak lepak kat blogger niyh...i used to spill everything yg ak fikir kat sni...tp coz matrix life was killing me before..ak da tak bnyk nk spill pape...now...da ad kat umah,bleh la nk merapu kerapu balik kat blog ak..heheheeh....d feeling of coming home was just great!

cursed???

...what are the best words i could say?
i'm cursed!
no way..yeah way...
ak da hilang daya ntuk feel...
ak totally cam da sedar yg ak dah bnyk gle lost past memories pasl everything..
pasal kwn2 ak...pasal life ak dulu...
hr tuh ak putuskan friendship ak ngan sumone..still bende tuh tak effect pe pown pada ak..
pesal ngan ak neh...
da hlang rasa nak sedeyh..rasa nak suka ke..syg org ke..
pe jadik neh..
waargh!!!!!!
i'm dead!
i'm heartless...
huuuu
someone..help...S.O.S!!

what the f***??!!!!

i'm pissed off..somehow...
i don't know what i did wrong coz everyone's acting weird, damn weird like now!
i got stuck with my own thoughts and it feels like hell.
try to resist but i realize that i'm totally stuck!
more to say?
nop!
shit.

thnX sOfia...

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love purpose hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there
Back where I'd love to be, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
To hold her when I'm not around
When I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no

Once again
There's nothing here for me on this barren road
There's no one here while the city sleeps
And all the shops are closed
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
To hold her when I'm not around
When I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no

Once again
Some search, never finding a way
Before long, they waste away
I found you, something told me to stay
I gave in, to selfish ways
And how I miss someone to hold
When hope begins to fade
A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love purpose hard to find

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
To hold her when I'm not around
When I'm much too far away
We all need the person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again